muleskinnertate

mimemeatisneattoeat II

2011-05-30T18:28:00.000-07:00

do you think that maybe women have better
peripheral vision than men for the same reason rabbits have side eyes and foxes have front eyes.

[John Wayne SS] I would probably care if I was eating at the dinner table and my mom just grotesquely peeled off her face slowly, and through the connecting tissue snapping like guitar strings and bloody flesh flinging about I saw the face of Anthony Anderson.

GAY LAP DANCE

2011-03-08T20:13:00.001-08:00

spoke to my friend charles tonight while i checked the zone my car was parked in out of parking anxiety. it's a 20 minute walk both ways to the vehicle, in a bad part of town, but i have the baton.
charles is a cab driver, he's 31, gay, with a dark sense of humor, and in oklahoma city. a fun guy who reflects a lot on things.
he gets a call from a guy saying he needs two cars moved, and the minimum charge for the drive is 30 bucks, to wherever it is they have to get to. charles and some other guy show up, and the caller asks, "SO WHICH ONE OF YOU GUYS IS GOIN WITH ME TO THE TITTY BARS?" the other driver was the first to decline and pointed to charles saying, that would be his man. charles knows it's a horrible idea, but he has a horrible compass and agrees to it anyway. plus, you know, exciting new uncomfortable situations await! i get that way too, sometimes, but he suffers through it more often. so the guy gives charles a hundred bucks. he asks him over and over, "YOU SURE YOU'RE COOL? YOU'RE MY MAN?? YOU GOT MY BACK?" charles can't understand him because he's drunk and on pain killers and stoned and an okie, and he goes, "yeah man, i've got you :D " and they do the fist bump. a lot.
so they go to the titty bar, and the guy gives charles some extra money to get a lap dance, and this woman walks up to him and says in her rehearsed flat way, "hi, i'm tiffany. it's time for me to take you upstairs and touch you all over and make you feel good."
charles decides that even though he's gay, he'll really try to give this his all. he felt like a square the entire time, not like a man, just like some nerd going "guh-huh there's a girl touching me there's a naked girl in my lap!?" which is exactly what he was thinking.
he couldn't believe how soft she was, and you're not supposed to touch them(?), but she let him touch her legs, and he couldn't stop touching her legs. she told him to move his hand down from the thigh area though.
so then she starts rubbing hir breasts over the side of his face, and then, she slips one large boob into his mouth. he wonders, is it okay to suck on them now? so he gave a little nibble and acted like he was into it. he thinks she suspected from his softy that she needed to try harder, so she started slamming her ass into his crotch, WHAM WHAM WHAM. said he was being whipped, with it, and that it was heavy. she then put her butt closer and closer to his face, and then "the butt" was about two inches from his face, and he was thinking, "i am so glad she smells good. i am so glad she smells good, and is soft." he said he had felt bad that he could not get hard, and that he tried to force blood into his cock, just for her, but that he couldn't, and she probably walked away thinking "what a fag. wait no, is there something wrong with me?... no, he's a faggot. maybe there IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME??" and that she probably went home with somebody to reassure herself that there isn't anything wrong with her.
i told him he really understands women and the mind of a stripper.

dying phone cries

2010-12-02T09:36:00.000-08:00

"i was just heading to bed and wanted to extend a psychic ropeladder across the temporal fissure between me and the self i feel i'm losing - you are one of the precious few links"
"is your mind haunted tonight? seattle's geometry is wrong, it was built on some malefic ley line in the earth"
O in the cosmos there is balm as well as bitterness. o rpam the shattered crypts and disused relinquaries beneath the nile. i welcome the bitterness of alienage

just walked into carls to grab a water, and this bespectabled, conservatively dressed 70 something man goes "good looking young fella." WAT. i think he wanted to abduct and rape me. nothing some fir pitch tea and a handsome brooch wont fix

ur laughs read like a novel

you were in a dream of mine. you were ungrateful and whiny! i saved your soul three times from an evil demon monster dude and you started yelling at me after, i was all like "fuck this!"

life is a hospital where ebery patient is obsessed by the desire of changing beds

well now it's boring over here. god you can't do anything right can you?

i think i left my vhs copy of anne of green gables over there, could you look for it for me?

found a hundred dollar bill at masa. a woman said it was hers so i ate it really fast. don't know why i did that

YOU DON'T ANSWER MY CALL(S) YOU DON'T ANSWER MY TEXT(S) AND KNOW I KNOW WHY
NOW WE GET TO THE CENTER OF THE SHRUBBERY MAZE

idk my bff foetus

metropolitan museum of head-tilt appreciation

well that's okay as long as it wasn't any fun and you hated it. i am going to bathe and then you bring me ice cream.

well i guess your silence means i'll be getting my own ice cream.

thee baronesse of twatsmouthe.

AN I DOADLYG WHUTCHYEWGOT MEH HANGIN' FRUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHM

GOD IS THE THING THAT YOU FAVOR EVIL IS YOUR SOUR FLAVOR

i'm laying on the floor of my uncle's quaint lil greenwood home, hearing tho-so-aa. i've been sporadically pretending to be his ukranian boybride, calling him "papa" in a shrill, lilting voice.

ffffffffuck. how does my inertia make time swirl around me

when i first got here, while i ill-at-ease, i still had vestiges of inward-gazing composure. now any lapse of the depression and anxiety is hard-won.

i was shot in 1863.

my depeche mode vhs collection still looks fine.

WEEEED TRAINNN!

being hired to kill a guy who i found out is a clone of me, and drowning him, going back and watching "me" drown my clone, then i drown him. then i get drowned.

the feeling was not knowing what was real or who i was. the victim in each was in water with a really old globe scuba mask on made of glass.

(lol)
don't think i'm perfectly happy with not being in a relationship with you because it is probably my biggest regret.

I L U SO MUCH + while i would sell my jewelry box of Accelerated Reading pins to build an addition to the house where u could live i have to pay for my toe amputation WHEN WILL THEY LET OUR FACES STOP ITCHING and take the tired flakey furrows in our foreheads to mean that we don't like the in-flight movie GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWDuhh when will we have our turn on the tireswiiiiiiiing

it's the part that rationalizes, you'll find it by the part that feels yet is capable to accept things, like that life isn't always fair, but it's part of

a confluence of celestial forces unglimpsed (their existence unsuspected) by man curve stellar winds and redirect planetary orbits in a neighboring galaxy; by degrees their transit reveals the emergence of a pattern, slowly emerging; all the astronomical instruments of earth are trained on the same plane in the vault of the cosmos, and finally, eager humanity gazes heavenward to see, painted in stars - a shining bouquet of dicks

ihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyou

dude i warned you about stairs bro

i was thinking, even if i had gone blind, you still should have sent some nudie pics, to ease the pain of blindness. but now instead they are celebratory!

kill me in my sleep.

"what do you mean you don't want a bag?!?" WHY DO THEY GOTTA DO THAT FOR?

we should be lying like idiots next to eachother!

i am sitting at the train station and this cowboy of death is sauntering down the sidewalk below me. like seriously the man with no name.

MARCH 21ST 10:21 AM - NOT BROKEN

hail satan cringing terriers

exactly. but i don't want to be back here at 6 AM. KILL GAY PEOPLE.

TELL EVERYONE ON SLSK I HATE THEM.

i found out that washing your hands a lot is the cure for being sad

The Committee could have created a very convincing facsimile of our convo in order to ensnare you, though.

I CARPOOL WITH SATAN [gooo-mi]

bodies are where you find them.

after deboning mummy's corsette, we named the grainery mice after fellow pupils we dislike, and put a tack in the seat of sister frippingham's habit! oh-ha! oh-hee, hee!

but we must first put beet mash in friar abernathy's sacramental wine, and spileld currents in the confessional

if i'm boring, you're the spine of a BHG book on kitchen countertop maintenance

right now my togue is a werewolf in chains during the full moon

spider of the night goodnight. spider of the morning.... i'm sad?

always is always forever as long as one is one inside yourself for your father all is none all is none all is none

do not fret my chilld. your dreams have only been made real, and become less sweet.

L E T ' S D I E

ALOO MASALA

yer gonna hold my seed one day, just you watch :)

my grandmother and her boyfriends conversations are point-by-point accounts of banal events: their depression generation vernacular and old people mannerisms, his abrasive feigned politeness, little convalescent coughs and throat clearings as they discuss People Places and Things Here and Now, what is happening Right Now, how is this cake and are there raisins in there - all are fodder for literature, literature that i could write, and which might not be total shit, but what'd be the point. 'i can take no new knowledge from this telling. this confession has meant Nothing.'

hi mom this is mom just called to say mom

attention staff: i had that horrible nightmare again

Derelict! wanton and base, yet i am by the fraternity of our shared affliction nourished, though spurned so by your cruelty. you would make my placid night sky a foaming maelstrom; my chorus of benign crickets of the snarlings of cerebus, kenneled in hades. will you again cast me in manacles before hypnos?

o sorry wayward creature, companion of jagged solitary shores wheron eternally pound melancholy waves; friend of disconsolate mointain hollows, robed in gloom; why, and wherefore have webeen acquainted? to what dreary depot is the derelict locomotive ultimately destined?

tusken bilgecarp! flap your algaed tail and heave your corpulent trunk over the slimey banks of complacence, mudskipper! bother me not this loathesome night; i shelter in mildew and close, cloying air, and give voluptuous harbor to thriving bacteria, in body and mind alike!

'have you ever felt, have you ever dreamed of falling down a precipice into a pit? that's just how i'm falling, but not in a dream...'

war bringer. fure starter. weapon maker. pestilence giver.

hole sweet hole

whoretyrant! i lie awake in wooded night, with only the wood louse to converse.

i'm sitting on my car, eating a sandwich with No Pussy Blues in my head, listening to a slough of exasperated black girls cursing into their phones, and i smile to myself.

HEAR THIS AND WATCH THAT.

2010-07-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

what's your problem? what's wrong with you?

2009-11-18T19:30:00.000-08:00

lol powerfulmessage lol

2009-11-17T07:30:00.000-08:00

when the sinoatrial node stops making action potentials in the heart
(that is bad-) another part will take on the job- like the
atrioventricular node. this is called an ectopic beat. i am amazed
that, when the body goes wrong, it will designate other parts to take
over- even if only to maintain the system for another week or however
long. how thoughtful.. the cells don't know why they do what they do.
do they have a desire to live? no, they just "live"- strive to keep
stasis- wet, warm, permeable, functional; "i must release this calcium
i have been given- it's what i was designed for." they do not care.
the ventricles and atria in your brain do not care. the eyes that take
in sight and the ears that take in sound and ideas do not care- nor
the temporal lobe with its ability to transform symbols and ideas, and
rearrange them into new ideas- they do not care, it's just what they
were designed for- your cells that get destroyed when you are caught
under a piece of burning roof that tells your nocioreceptors that you
"hurt" and must tell the rest of you to release adrenaline and
epinephrine to escape total destruction- to preserve the system, so it
can, so it can, keep doing what it was made to do like a dr. seussian
machine that shits out star shaped portals because it was given a
banana shape from the woozel- all your PARTS WANT TO KEEP MOVING
BECAUSE THEY, because they DESIRE to do so? they go because they were
made to go. it's beyond their control. you are what you were MADE to
be, right? it's just.. beyond your control. because you have no
control. because you have no control, and you are not you. you are
just a machine shitting out star parts. and you should not be
responsible, should you? why would you. you are only a system with no
soul, no self in that mind structure mechanism that just fell
together. you and your millions, the hordes, all of them just complex
organisms, just like you. it's beyond their control. if someone's
cells are more functional at this or that, they should be prideful,
shouldn't they, because they certainly had a choice to be predisposed
at being better, didn't they.
how ca your will change you if you are just this structure, this
system- are you flexing your cells in that fatty piece in your skull
to overcome? arranging your mental symbols to affect your chemical
impulses like magic keys in locks?
lololololol
your will, and your pride, and your absolution. how can you be morally
culpable or prideful if you are not there?

more dad on phone

2009-10-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

walking around walmart with dad on phone.
dad: are you at an airport?
me: yeah, the walmart airport. i'm feeling like my school work is getting overwhelming.
dad: you are taking two science classes with labs and the medical terminology is about to start? if you already feel overwhelmed, you should drop that class. even the chinese and jews dont do that much.
me: sure they do. what if i am one in training?
dad: a jew in training! mija, most people wouldnt do that much.
me: keep in mind, i have a friend my age with his own company, and he's been interviewed by nasa. i think about AI.
dad: i was interviewed by nasa for AI too! many people are artificially intelligent. they wanted me to describe an AI i saw..
me: was it my friend?
dad: yes, and i told them what he looked like and then we had to go out and find him.

then i turned an aisle and was overwhelmed by cereal selections

Flu

2009-10-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

[The Rapes of Wrath] Paul, I'd pay you money to bang Stephanie.
[19:28][Paul Severe] I'll pay YOU money to bang her.
[19:29][l am the Curse] why are we paying eachother to fuck stephanie.
[19:29][Paul Severe] Let's see this slut.
[19:29][anawazor] Melissa must know stephanie through melissa
[19:29][l am the Curse] now i am interested in banging stephanie.
[19:29][Paul Severe] Poor Stephanie.
[19:29][l am the Curse] i know my friends through myself.
[19:30][Paul Severe] About to be banged by a gang of internet strangers.
[19:30][l am the Curse] jhahaha
[19:30][l am the Curse] and we're all getting paid.
[19:30][Paul Severe] No, i'm paying.
[19:30][l am the Curse] oh thanks!
[19:30][Paul Severe] I don't need money.
[19:31][Paul Severe] After i've paid everyone, I own them.

[18:58][nyhcKID82] He had women, he was loved, but could not overcome the feeling of killing them, or crushing there skulls.
[18:58][nyhcKID82] He was a socialpath.
[18:58][l am the Curse] LOL
[18:58][l am the Curse] SOCIALPATH
[18:58][nyhcKID82] Yes.
[18:58][l am the Curse] is socialpath a recovery book for agoraphobes

THE AIR IS THICK WITH ROMANCE

2009-06-13T03:43:00.000-07:00

soapawake (4:08:18 AM): IRENE
soapawake (4:08:21 AM): ENJOY LIFE WITH ME PLZ
maldor0r (4:08:24 AM): HI
maldor0r (4:08:25 AM): OKAY I WILL
maldor0r (4:08:30 AM): YOU ARE SO CUTE
maldor0r (4:08:48 AM): WE'LL FIND A PLACE.
maldor0r (4:08:53 AM): WITH WOOD FLOORS.
maldor0r (4:08:57 AM): AND LOTS OF WINDOWS.
soapawake (4:08:59 AM): but i want you to enjoy enjoying life with me.
maldor0r (4:09:00 AM): AND A DARK ROOM FOR YOU.
maldor0r (4:09:05 AM): OKAY I WILL.
maldor0r (4:09:22 AM): and we'll have a PUPPY
maldor0r (4:09:27 AM): and it will never grow up.
soapawake (4:09:42 AM): well we can get more puppies.
maldor0r (4:09:43 AM): and my dad can liv ein a shack out back.
maldor0r (4:09:47 AM): haha oh okay.
soapawake (4:09:50 AM): and feed the big older puppy to the new puppies.
soapawake (4:09:54 AM): and repeat.
maldor0r (4:10:01 AM): HAHAHA
soapawake (4:10:01 AM): until we have so many happy puppies.
maldor0r (4:10:39 AM): i just caught clown terrier chewing a leash up.
maldor0r (4:10:43 AM): and he wagged his tail at me.
soapawake (4:10:52 AM): he didn't mean to.

soapawake (5:20:15 AM): i don't want you to be a real person.
maldor0r (5:20:19 AM): haha oh okay.
soapawake (5:21:02 AM): i like you the way you are.
soapawake (5:21:07 AM): if you changed it would probably freak me out.
soapawake (5:34:33 AM): hahahah
soapawake (5:34:39 AM): i want to be fixed.
soapawake (5:34:54 AM): and then i want to be happy and enjoy things.
soapawake (5:34:58 AM): and you enjoy them with me.
maldor0r (5:35:02 AM): okay!
soapawake (5:35:04 AM): and enjoy enjoying them with me.
maldor0r (5:35:09 AM): alright!!
maldor0r (5:35:10 AM): hahaha.
soapawake (5:35:18 AM): and no one else exists.
maldor0r (5:35:24 AM): perfect!
maldor0r (5:35:40 AM): YOU'RE ROMANTIC.
soapawake (5:35:45 AM): hahah
soapawake (5:35:53 AM): yeah and i'm not even trying to be.
soapawake (5:35:57 AM): im being 4 serious.
maldor0r (5:36:25 AM): i know!
maldor0r (5:36:40 AM): forced romance isn't real.
maldor0r (5:36:46 AM): it's gotta be natural.
soapawake (5:36:49 AM): yeah.
maldor0r (5:36:55 AM): like building cages out of bones.
soapawake (5:36:56 AM): and the people who do fake romance are manipulators.
maldor0r (5:37:01 AM): YES THEY ARE

soapawake (5:43:58 AM): WHY ARENT YOU IN MY BED?
maldor0r (5:44:07 AM): THAT'S SEXYYYYYYY
maldor0r (5:44:25 AM): you are love :D
soapawake (5:44:27 AM): WHY? WHY ARENT YOU?
maldor0r (5:44:34 AM): MY TRAIN IS LATE.
soapawake (5:44:46 AM): GET ON THE NEXT TRAIN

Blockbuster Checkout Vampires

2009-02-07T00:06:00.000-08:00

[l am the Curse] have any of you been to a blockbuster within the past year.
[Mr. Sparks] yeah irene
[Gonzo Who] yes, why?
[Mr. Sparks] it's fucking expenisive
[l am the Curse] what was it like when you were paying for your movie.
[l am the Curse] what was the person behind the desk like.
[Mr. Sparks] old
[Gonzo Who] a gay nigger
[l am the Curse] and how did they behave towards you.
[Gonzo Who] gayly and niggerishly
[Mr. Sparks] old and congenial
[l am the Curse] wow.
[l am the Curse] you guys are so lucky.
[Gonzo Who] do tell
[l am the Curse] every blockbuster here has a guy that harrasses you and practices his comedy act on you while trying to shove papers in your hands that you say no to several times.
[Mr. Sparks] tell him to fuck off
[l am the Curse] HEY THIS MOVIE, I DON'T KNOW, I HEAR A LOT OF MIXED REVIEWS ABOUT IT
[Gonzo Who] what kind of papers?
[l am the Curse] SOME LIKE IT SOME SAY IT WAS BORING BUT IT HAS A GREAT SOUNDTRACK
[l am the Curse] HEY YOU GUYS INTO INDIE MUSIC
[Mr. Sparks] gonzo's getting excited over free papers
[l am the Curse] NO. WHAT DO YOU LISTEN TO
[l am the Curse] and i'm silent this whole time, waiting.
[l am the Curse] INDUSTRIAL WHAT'S THAT
[l am the Curse] I WAS AT A PUNK SHOW ONCE
[Gonzo Who] NIN
[Gonzo Who] and dRAMMSTEIN
[Mr. Sparks] RAMMSTEIN
[l am the Curse] I WAS IN LA AND MY FRIENDS WERE LIKE LET'S GO TO A CONCERT
[Mr. Sparks] FUCK YOU GONZO
[Mr. Sparks] .01 second
[Gonzo Who] I'll flog you with jmy cock
[l am the Curse] SO I GOT DRESSED UP IN MY TUX BECAUSE I USUALLY GO TO ORCHESTRAS, YOU KNOW?
[l am the Curse] AND WHEN I GOT THERE THERE WERE ALL THESE PUNKS
[l am the Curse] AND THEY WERE PUSHING EACHOTHER
[l am the Curse] DID YOU KNOW THEY DO THAT? THEY PUSH EACHOTHER
[Gonzo Who] hahaha
[l am the Curse] and it's him trying to be clever.
[l am the Curse] and they ask if you are interested in some program and you say no and they say well take this pamplhet and you say no thanks and you walk out and they slam it down on your movie and you TAKE THE PAPER AND PUT IT ON THE DESK AND LEAVE
[l am the Curse] i hate blockbuster workers, it's beyond doing their job.
[Mr. Sparks] irene, that would have been far to much conversation to me to handle with someone i didn' tknow
[l am the Curse] it's inHUMAN
[Gonzo Who] no one knows irene
[Gonzo Who] they just pretend to
[l am the Curse] i never say anything to them but "no" or "no thanks"
[Mr. Sparks] I KNOW IRENE
[Mr. Sparks] I MET HER!
[Gonzo Who] eat beans 30 minutes before going
[Mr. Sparks] drink castor oil before making it to the line
[l am the Curse] i don't like it when i'm with somebody who will talk to the blockbuster people.
[Gonzo Who] you toppe me
[Gonzo Who] *topped
[l am the Curse] that only encourages them.
[l am the Curse] it makes them feel it's okay to behave this way.
[Mr. Sparks] I don't mind one stupid witty comment from teh sales person
[Mr. Sparks] beyond that you're encroaching on my personal space
[l am the Curse] no, it's an onslaught.
[l am the Curse] you are being attacked.
[l am the Curse] attacked by a shitstain of a personality act.
[Mr. Sparks] irene next time:
[Mr. Sparks] *STUPID WITTY BLOCKBUSTER BANTER*
[Mr. Sparks] "DID YOU KNOW I'M BLEEDING OUT MY VAGINA?"
[Mr. Sparks] just do that
[l am the Curse] it is an invasion and it pleases them greatly.
[l am the Curse] not just anybody can work the desk at blockbuster.
[l am the Curse] only a certain type of vampire.
[l am the Curse] the overly social undead.
[l am the Curse] I think i have to go now my tampon is falling out.
[l am the Curse] like that?
[l am the Curse] thanks ben <3

what? i've only been awake 35 hours.

2008-11-22T05:57:00.000-08:00

[Sanctum] back in 1995 you probably saw the ad series by volkswagen the whole "drivers wanted" thing
[Sanctum] well you might not have noticed at the time but watching it again you surely will...

[Sanctum] who. is. singing.
[Sanctum] DUDE WAKE UP
[Sanctum] WHO'S VOICE IS THAT
[Baron von Mannsechs] *whose
[Baron von Mannsechs] you've been asking the wrong question and hence the answers elude you
[Sanctum] it's the right question.
[Sanctum] ANSWER IT SOMEONE COME ON
[Baron von Mannsechs] who is voice is that?
[l am the Curse] jhhhhhhh
[l am the Curse] SORRY I WAS WASHING DISHES
[l am the Curse] IS IT
[l am the Curse] GENESIS P ORRIDGE
[l am the Curse] LOL JK JK JK
[l am the Curse] opmg
[l am the Curse] IT IS
[Sanctum] XD
[l am the Curse] SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
[Sanctum] that's the song about roman polanski banging that 13-year-old
[Sanctum] so what happened was they aired this, without psychic TV's permission, for over a year
[Sanctum] lots of show time
[l am the Curse] i love that song.
[l am the Curse] hahahaha
[l am the Curse] wwwwwwwwwwwwwowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeee
[Sanctum] then when word got out that it was a song about child rape
[Sanctum] they tried to sue psychic tv
[l am the Curse] aw sanctum.
[l am the Curse] i like you so much better now than a few years ago.
[l am the Curse] will you accompany me in my pocket for the rest of the day.
[Sanctum] mmmmmmmmm i'll take a raincheck on that
[l am the Curse] DIIIIIIIIIIIIIQ
[wqe23] the word looks like the shape
[wqe23] geometric onomatopoeia
[l am the Curse] DANG DONG IT IS

Lookie Yonder

2008-09-09T15:05:00.000-07:00

[16:56][John Wayne SS] It's a hip flask infection.
[16:57][John Wayne SS] And I have pugilist's nose.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I.
down half a bottle of existential nausea pills before viewing!

Mysterious Malapropriapism?? All your family in one can??

2008-06-29T17:07:00.000-07:00

g00dcitizen: have you ever heard the story of ET for the atari?
g00dcitizen: the story goes that atari contracted some company to make an ET game for when the movie was released but they ended up spending all the money on blow and hookers or whatever and it ended up being such a sloppy, rushed piece of shit that you couldnt play it most of the time and it had no ending
g00dcitizen: atari got so desperate they tried to give it away with cereal
g00dcitizen: but no one wanted the game
g00dcitizen: so finally they bought some land in the middle of nowhere in arizona and dug a big pit and bulldozed like a million copies of the game into the hole
g00dcitizen: so somewhere out in arizona theres unclaimed video game gold
maldor0r: HAHAHAA
maldor0r: where did you hear about this?
maldor0r: did a gypsy hand you a map.
maldor0r: was it a drunk man showing you map tattoos on his chest.
g00dcitizen: its been a legend for years, theres these really weird racist or super shitty atari games that people collect and ET is one of them

then we decided that the only knowledge worth knowing is tattooed on chests.
and,
abrasive mantra: I wish wikipedia was not a website but was an elaborate series of tattoos on the chests of drunken old men

a whirlwind of

2008-05-25T00:30:00.000-07:00

"your mind extends a tendril probe into the jumbled up shitcloud of reality, grabs hold of a corner of it, and forces you bodily into it"

oytoytoy dotty ren go bragh, doy hoytatatata rendre dowawa vennegoor of hesselink

[John Wayne SS] If we find a basket of baby unicorns, and you for no reason conclude that it must have been the beer that caused you to find those baby unicorns, that is called post hoc ergo propter hoc logic.
[John Wayne SS] Post hoc ergo propter hoc (beer's causal relationship with unicorns) will tell you that your missing eyebrows are because of The Wall.

[John Wayne SS] Where is 618.
[John Wayne SS] Tell him that I opened up Joseph Campbell's The Hero with a Thousand Faces and on the first page, it said "turn to page 13". I turned to page 13 and it said "turn to page 64". I turned to page 64 and it said "turn to page 170
[John Wayne SS] and I did, and it said "you're a faggot."
[John Wayne SS] And I wanted to know if that was supposed to be in the book or not.

[John Wayne SS] I'm going to name my kid SmarterChild.
[John Wayne SS] Just to see if anybody gets the reference in 50 years when the neo-Luddites take over.

[Hair Appliance of Cyberdoom] I am the Curse is a Bene Gesserit witch.

Hello Eater!

2008-05-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

EvaBraunsCervix: From Gallo's website (seriously):

I, Vincent Gallo, star of such classics as Buffalo 66 and The Brown Bunny have decided to make myself available to all women. All women who can afford me, that is. For the modest fee of $50,000 plus expenses, I can fulfill the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally born female. The fee covers one evening with Vincent Gallo. For those who wish to enjoy my company for a weekend, the fee is increased to a mere $100,000. Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way Jose. However, female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening together for $100,000. $200,000 buys the lesbos a weekend. A weekend that will have them second-guessing.

As if there's an explanation needed for posting about cupcakes. I'm sick and woke up at 11:30 pm, what do you expect from a person of my calibur?

First find: Fucking perverted. Befuddled Fist Fuckery.

I don't like foods that are neon colored. They give me the creeps. It is not tasty looking or desirable in any way, except for neon hamburgers. If you make these, I'll be first in line for 'em. All I'd ever do is stand around leaning on lamp posts eating these babies. Trashiest thing ever.

Those cheaters photoshopped the exact same cupcake. Everyone knows this ruins the flavor.

Some cupcakes are put together so well that i want to destroy them. It's like Marty Mcfly's mom on prom night. You're all for tearing her dress off.

Look at that pink one. She's like a cute girl but a naive tart that has no really cool interests, just NORMAL, boring, and cute. She's misleading and she doesn't really understand what suits her best. She's got one of those cute 9 year old grl short haircuts and wears tank tops, is too thin, and straight out of 1992.
I hate when they don't even try to put the frosting on most of the cupcake. They think they're being stylish, but they're not. They're offsetting the cake to frosting ratio, confusing my mouth. The frosting piles too high in the center this way. It just doesn't look clever.

That flower one is so CHILDISH I won't even cover it.

I consulted my friend about these cupcakes, and I'm glad I did. Cupcake resolve.

EvaBraunsCervix: i think we'd be best off with the sprinkles.
EvaBraunsCervix: steady. confident in itself.
maldor0r: yes.
maldor0r: i'd either take the sprinkles or the cherry one.
EvaBraunsCervix: they just need better dates
maldor0r: i like the frosting display and coloring for the cherry one
EvaBraunsCervix: why do brown cupcakes always go out with the worst pink ones?
EvaBraunsCervix: ugh.
maldor0r: the cherry isn't my thing but i'll totally pick it right off there and pop it into my mouth
maldor0r: it's like having to peel panties off of someone before fucking them
maldor0r: you know, "WE DON'T NEED THIS, BABY!"
EvaBraunsCervix: hey i like that part.
maldor0r: I do too
EvaBraunsCervix: unless it gets complicated.
maldor0r: i'm saying it's delightful
EvaBraunsCervix: oh ok.
maldor0r: but it isn't the direct thing you care about at all
EvaBraunsCervix: not at all.
EvaBraunsCervix: once it's eaten, it's ate.
maldor0r: it's the delay that makes it delicious, and the motion that gives it the meaning that is so priceless

Too many cupcakes gives you cupcaches. - Eva Braun

Le Cupcake, the dainty lipstick feminist of the cupcake world.
That little cupcake on the bottom right isn't even a cupcake, for one, and they didn't even try to fill it up. It is the most prude of all cupcakes.

Those heart ones look as if they are ready for battle, and the pink hearts are in bad taste. I don't want a cupcake that is going to try very hard to impress me like some pitiful date.

The butterfly one can't even be eaten, it's kept in a glass case. It's the kind a mother would never let her child eat, which destroys the whole cupcake concept. I don't even want to imagine eating the butterfly. I'd cry if I crushed through the design on the frosting. In my mind's eye, I can see it cracking already, like dry desert. Those are the sorts of cupcakes you order and they are sent to you in an air tight container with michael jackson's head.
On another note, I'm pretty sure he has about 12, like the queen in the wizard of oz part two.

gabapectin from india in big red unmarked capsules, bring it on.

2008-04-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

not usually my thing, but..

maldor0r: D:
maldor0r: yesterday i bought a smiley face balloon.
XAtomAgeVampireX: OH NO
maldor0r: and i took it for a ride in the car, but pulled over in a field to find my phone.
maldor0r: the balloon got sucked right out past me, and flew out into the field, in the night time, smiling the SADDEST SMILE I HAD EVER SEEN
maldor0r: it was so sad
maldor0r: i watched it fly down the field.
XAtomAgeVampireX: ono
maldor0r: single tear forming now
maldor0r: that was my birthday.
maldor0r: HAHAHAHAHA
XAtomAgeVampireX: Was it really though?
XAtomAgeVampireX: Tonight I bought a boogie board
XAtomAgeVampireX: I brought it to the show, and it was rowdy
XAtomAgeVampireX: I rode across some people on it, but it got pilled away from me, into the crowd
XAtomAgeVampireX: cough
XAtomAgeVampireX: pulled
XAtomAgeVampireX: It was so sad.
XAtomAgeVampireX: i watched it carried away into the mob of crust punks
XAtomAgeVampireX: a single tear forming now
XAtomAgeVampireX: that was my evening
XAtomAgeVampireX: k thnx bai
XAtomAgeVampireX signed off at 1:43:23 AM.

what do you want from me.

The Okie within

2008-04-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

i had a fucking nightmare last night. i was riding in the back of a pick up truck with somebody and they accidentally said they loved me and asked me if i knew how pretty i was. it ended with painful dry humping.
also, there are no good pictures of Unicorn Ryuji. and no, he wasn't in the truck with me.

Mustafio

2008-03-09T12:49:00.001-07:00

On Eggs

Where I grew up, men often came down with fevers, much more so than women. These fevers were not the result of illness, but of their eggs being boiled. It was a type of voodoo practiced in our village since time began. If a woman's love was unrequited, she would venture to the lake area where all the old spinster egg-painters lived in identical huts, and try to negotiate a price. She would show a photograph of her beloved, and all the women would frantically start painting their eggs in hopes of securing a contract. Some worked very quickly, and these egg-painters were employed if, say, a woman were trying to stop a man from marrying the following day. These eggs were often inaccurate, causing the wrong man to fall ill. Sometimes even a dog or a pig would come down with a fever. The best artisans worked slowly, painting with fine brushes to achieve an expert likeness of their subject. Money would be exchanged when an egg was finished to the customer's satisfaction, and the egg would be thrown into a cast iron pot of boiling vinegar. A well-painted egg could put a man on the edge of death, forcing his family to negotiate a settlement. But there were cases where men, in their delirium, said they would rather die a rotten death than spend eternity bound to some bitch that had his egg boiled. They would suffer horribly for days before succumbing to either fate.

Dog's a Vapor

2008-03-09T05:04:00.000-07:00

sometimes i get the feeling that almost everyone around me is hysterical and boring.
maybe i am too, but i just wonder why everyone's minds are so boggled over things that seem so overly dramatized and pointless.
the last time i was at church, it was a 7th day adventist church. i was in santa barbara, i woke up at 6 am, i had been crying over soap, and i just wanted to not think about it.
i went out for coffee and called my grandma irene up and she got me a ride to the church with my great uncle.
i went to the college department for sunday school or whatever it is, and i actually think of what we talked about there a lot.
how almost all of our problems, when it really comes down to it, it's all just vapor.
i view a lot of problems to be so minimal in the grand scheme of a lifetime, and i just try to move on.
i wish more people understood vapor.

a dark place (TFWO!!!!!!!!!)

2008-02-19T13:56:00.001-08:00

maldor0r: LEGS CHERNOBYL TATEm
EvaBraunsCervix: no way.
EvaBraunsCervix: TITS FREE DRUGS TATE
EvaBraunsCervix: hey. want me to invite tits free drugs tate to the party?
EvaBraunsCervix: who says no to that?
EvaBraunsCervix: i so need to use that in a movie.
EvaBraunsCervix: about jonestown.
EvaBraunsCervix: 'hey i just joined this religion started by our leader, tits free drugs jones. would you like some free literature?'
EvaBraunsCervix: free drugs
EvaBraunsCervix: ANd literature.
maldor0r: dANG!!!!!!!!!!!
EvaBraunsCervix: that's like 98% of the population.
maldor0r: IF ONLY THEY HAD SNACKS
EvaBraunsCervix: DEWD
maldor0r: @% snacks
maldor0r: 2@@!
EvaBraunsCervix: have you ever had fucking FLAVOR-AID?
EvaBraunsCervix: he makes a mean bowl of punch.
EvaBraunsCervix: you'll be WAAASSTTEEEED
EvaBraunsCervix: we should really do that, make a movie about jonestown where it's just a bunch of bros.

[Lupus] i wish all the irony in the world would make a clown cry to sad sad song
[Lupus] i want to write a gangster rap album about rupaul growing up in the hood
[Lupus] and then a film adaption directed by herzog himself

"A fatal collusion of drag embryos and DNA angels in Cadaver City ignites the circuitry of the ADAM Doll... dogs of zero waging gene war in Placenta World, chaos unleashed by the digital vampires of Sato Corporation, nano-junk virus pandemic"

"placing your wound on me is probably the same as reverse engineering"

i moved from a place with the indian name meaning "swamp" to a place with an indian name that means "passing through."
fuck this, i'm moving to SURPRISE, ARIZONA.

fuck you, i'm an immortal

2007-10-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

"They seemed to be waiting for him to come to some decision. To tell them something perhaps. He tried to see into their eyes but their eyes were dark and they had shadowed them with blacking like men called upon to traverse wastes of snow.

He thought he saw in the world's silence a great conspiracy and he knew that he himself must then be a part of that conspiracy and that he had already moved beyond his captors and their plans.
And with this he turned to his captors and said: I will tell you nothing."

HEY GUYS I FOUND OUT WHAT WERNER HERZOG LOOKS/SOUNDS LIKE AND THIS IS WHAT HE REALLY THINKS OF YOU

ALSO, THE 70S ARE FUCKING DEPRESSING AND I LOVE IT

Y MAS!

-Who did you think I might be?
Billy: Just somebody. Somebody I sort of been expectin. I thought I caught a glimpse of him once or twice these past few days. I aint never got all that good a look at him.
-What does he look like?
Billy: I don't know. I guess more and more he looks like a friend.
-You thought I was death.
Billy: I considered the possibility.
The man nodded. He chewed. Billy watched him.
Billy: You aint, are you?
-No.
They sat eating the dry crackers.
Adonde vas? Billy said.
Al sur. Y tu?
Al norte.
The man nodded. He smiled. Que clase de hombre comparta sus galletas con la muerte?
Billy shrugged. What kind of death would eat them?
What kind indeed, said the man.
I was tryin to figure anything out. De todos modos el compartir es la led del camino, verdad?
De veras.
At least, that's the way I was raised.
The man nodded. In Mexico on certain days of the calendar it is custom to set a place at the table for death. But perhaps you know this.
Yes.
He has a big appetite.
Yes he does.
Perhaps a few crackers would be taken as an insult.
Perhaps he's got to take what he can get. like the rest of us.
The man nodded. Yes, he said. That could be.

"THINK OF THE PUSSY WEEVIL"

2007-09-10T03:10:00.000-07:00

The pussy weevil??
OH.

So, SLSK INDUSTRIAL CON 2007 took place with or without jew. To sum it up, I had my legs wrapped around deathloop and fritz until my crotch and ass couldn't take it any longer, I wrestled with pierre, we ate food, played in SF and San Jose. Went to a bowling alley and stared at about 9 TV screens getting drunk and then played air hockey. Vrrrmmm vrmmmm, I'd find myself on a motorcycle with 2 six packs of beer between me and deathloop, and my arm around him holding on to a bottle of whiskey through his jacket so it, and myself, don't fall off. GOOD TIMES! I also found out i could make my bones turn to jello so we could fit three people in a Miata. It was hot. I mean 95 degrees hot. But the cold sweat of an irish man being rubbed into my arm skin is also pretty hot.
Then I had to be back for a pap smear, so Fritz waited outside and we went 2 d34thl00p's house and ate dinner with him and his mommy and watched the young ones and repo man.

Think of the pussy weevil.

So, now I need a motorcycle and all my friends need them as well or we can't hang out anymore.

In the love of life, I do crave.. to bathe myself until the grave.

Sad story; there as a brutal rape scene down by the lake, and we caught the aftermath on film.

infected jawmeat

2007-08-13T23:10:00.000-07:00

NEW ARZT+PFUSCH

soundtrack of the weekend =

replace the video with eva braun disco dancing in flowing white robes like a greek love goddess and change the lyrics to "from hitler to eternity" ('cuz that's where she takes you)

quote of the weekend:

1. I WANNA GO TO THE ROOM WHERE THE LADIES TAKE OFF THEIR HEADS!! (not nonsense, the room actually exists)
2. i don't know whose piss i'm covered in, but i don't like it.
3. "someone called in the middle of raiding kara on WOW and im sure they could hear my guildmates yelling at me on ventrillo LOOP HEAL FASTER. by the time i got to the phone whoever it was was gone. anyway if that was you sorry mang"

i have this abcess or necrobating spider egg sac in my jawmeat, and no matter how much italia disco i apply, it won't go away without antibiotics.

OWWY OWWY OWWY

Just another day on earth

2007-08-05T17:13:00.000-07:00

And then summer comes and I ask myself these delusional questions such as, "Why would I ever leave California?"

I'll be in whatever dimension I wanna be, YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!

Yes, you may have this shirt, if you swear to always wear that face with it, ya fuckin' asshole.

"Past this tunnel.. is the rest of the world. What do you think the rest of the world looks like Naghi? Can you imagine it? You're right. It's beyond it."

OUTSIDE OF SOCIETAAAY!

MINDBODYLIGHTSOUND

2007-07-20T04:10:00.000-07:00

I am the sun
I rise above the world
And when the light goes out
I kill another child

beer o'clock isn't even for another 2 hours
it's not like i can just waltz in there like a weirdo with another 6 pack
by that time, i won't even want anymore, will i?

a bit of conversation between me and my sociology teacher today:
"You're......"
"AUTISTIC!"
"...No..."

I've got a bag of lady parts. I was like, "daaaaduhhh I wanna watch a movie!" So we put on Alien, because that 'sounded like a good movie to cut up lady parts to', and I did just that.

Did I mention we watched Romper Stomper together? It was better than any other time in a sense, because my dad made it fun.

Hando appears in what's his name's room all stunned from his goons being killed off, and the german grandma is like VAAT IS VRONG WITH MEIN PUPPY VEINERDOGS?!? And Hando is all sweaty and he says, 'I've got a plan," then it cuts to him choking a guy on the floor of a quick stop and the girl is throwing tons of CANDY in a bag and my dad says, "THAT'S THEIR PLAN?? CANDY? I HOPE THEY GET ENOUGH. IT'S ALL THE SAME KIND TOO!" and then they go to the beach. ????!!!!???????
So we were like, "It'd be a good idea if they tied the weiner dogs to their victims and then stuffed the candy in their pockets, like their trademark."

Yup. GOOD TIMES.

Also, MINDBODYLIGHTSOUND by The Swans and Palak Paneer really make me rethink what it is I actually want from life. Envigorating stuff.

YUMMY!

I WON'T STAND FOR ANY LEGS IN THIS HOUSE!

2007-07-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

QUIT SIDING WITH THE BOIL!

I AM NOT SIDING WITH IT I AM MERELY TRYING TO FIT WHAT IT HAS TO SAY INTO OUR CONVERSATION!

KICK THAT HABIT MAN THAT KICK HABIT MAN KICK HABIT THAT MAN HABIT KICK THAT MAN THAT HABIT KICK MAN HABIT THAT KICK MAN KICK THAT MAN HABIT THAT KICK MAN HABIT KICK MAN THAT HABIT MAN KICK THAT HABIT THAT MAN KICK HABIT MAN THAT KICK HABIT KICK HABIT MAN THAT HABIT THAT MAN KICK MAN KICK THAT HABIT
MAN HABIT KICK THAT
THAT HABIT MAN KICK
HABIT THAT MAN KICK
THAT MAN HABIT KICK
MAN THAT HABIT KICK
HABIT MAN THAT KICK
MAN HABIT THAT KICK

XANADO IT!

NO!!!!!!!!WAVE

BASICALLY, we stuck to the basics (acid house 2)

2007-07-06T03:16:00.000-07:00

[John Wayne SS] A hissing, cock spectre.
k y re: amin

I NEED AN EXIT!!!

"durhhh i was only trying to check the time."

SEA SLUTS UNITE

"How many crimes would you like committed on you, little boy? It's 5 cents a crime!"

I babysat my friends on acid and some things were said.

Things like, "I hope your parents give you the gift of life by not killing you today and tell you to enjoy life and to remember to celebrate a skeleton by giving them diseased balloons."

and..

"What if pregnancy became high fashion? I mean the actual birthing process. Youth is so treasured that it would go to the extremes of like, 'OH you are a day old, old news.'"

and..

STICKING TO THE BASICS.
FABRIC. (assorted)
THE BASIC FABRIC OF THE BEACH BOYS.
THE FUNDAMENTAL CONSTRUCT OF THE BASICS OF YOUR FACE.

"The sun is going to come?? You mean like.. the sun or the son? The very ebb of time? Or a bereft prince returning for a diseased balloon? Does he need is parking to be validated? ...Let's take it back to the basics! What are the essentials? Who are the fundamentalists? Higher order needs basics first, Wilson Phillips later, self actualization first. Remember now? Psyche!!!"

"What essentials must we collect for the basic recogning!?? SCRIBE, TAKE THIS DOWN ON YOUR PARCHMENT!!!"

"There was a woman there and we had to deal with her face to face, and we were all, WHERE DID IRENE GO?!? And she started telling us about volunteer work, i think she was abandoned there. I mean, she was a REAL WOMAN! She looked like she bled real blood! Red blooded, not blue blooded. I want blood that bleeds blood! Delicious death! I'm cackling again like I was earlier, it all comes full circle like a rainbow of death! So she said all this stuff to me and then I kind of just walked away. I felt bad, but delicious."

"What if this house was ours. There's no one here now? So it is ours! Let's burn it down to the ground and play with the ashes!!"

"I think I remember something about this house actually being built around the mounted rabbit head in the kitchen, and that it was there first and that's why they built this place."

AND IN THE NEWS, The newest Pokemon flavor has been dubbed "Tugjob."

The newest laxative, Snorlax, works in your sleep but ends up to be a bit messy. The tag line is "the deuce is loose." Get 'em while you can. They're selling like hotcakes!

spiritual affront

2007-06-29T01:09:00.000-07:00

The reason for my collection of sociopaths and narcissists can easily be explained in that I am initially attracted to intelligence and humor, and secondly, not to get confused with love, there is the envy of cold social calculations, and for the ease that emotionally draining situations seem to dissolve with.

I had to dissect this poem for a class a couple of years ago, and I normally hate poetry, but this one was very appealing. This phrase has always stuck with me:
"Remark the cat which flattens itself in the gutter,
Slips out its tongue
And devours a morsel of rancid butter."

How sleazzzzy.

RHAPSODY ON A WINDY NIGHT

by: T.S. Eliot (1888-1965)

WELVE o'clock.
Along the reaches of the street
Held in a lunar synthesis,
Whispering lunar incantations
Dissolve the floors of memory
And all its clear relations,
Its divisions and precisions,
Every street lamp that I pass
Beats like a fatalistic drum,
And through the spaces of the dark
Midnight shakes the memory
As a madman shakes a dead geranium.

Half-past one,
The street lamp sputtered,
The street lamp muttered,
The street lamp said, "Regard that woman
Who hesitates towards you in the light of the door
Which opens on her like a grin.
You see the border of her dress
Is torn and stained with sand,
And you see the corner of her eye
Twists like a crooked pin."

The memory throws up high and dry
A crowd of twisted things;
A twisted branch upon the beach
Eaten smooth, and polished
As if the world gave up
The secret of its skeleton,
Stiff and white.
A broken spring in a factory yard,
Rust that clings to the form that the strength has left
Hard and curled and ready to snap.

Half-past two,
The street lamp said,
"Remark the cat which flattens itself in the gutter,
Slips out its tongue
And devours a morsel of rancid butter."
So the hand of a child, automatic,
Slipped out and pocketed a toy that was running along the quay.
I could see nothing behind that child's eye.
I have seen eyes in the street
Trying to peer through lighted shutters,
And a crab one afternoon in a pool,
An old crab with barnacles on his back,
Gripped the end of a stick which I held him.

Half-past three,
The lamp sputtered,
The lamp muttered in the dark.

The lamp hummed:
"Regard the moon,
La lune ne garde aucune rancune,
She winks a feeble eye,
She smiles into corners.
She smoothes the hair of the grass.
The moon has lost her memory.
A washed-out smallpox cracks her face,
Her hand twists a paper rose,
That smells of dust and old Cologne,
She is alone
With all the old nocturnal smells
That cross and cross across her brain."
The reminiscence comes
Of sunless dry geraniums
And dust in crevices,
Smells of chestnuts in the streets,
And female smells in shuttered rooms,
And cigarettes in corridors
And cocktail smells in bars."

The lamp said,
"Four o'clock,
Here is the number on the door.
Memory!
You have the key,
The little lamp spreads a ring on the stair,
Mount.
The bed is open; the tooth-brush hangs on the wall,
Put your shoes at the door, sleep, prepare for life."

The last twist of the knife.

revisited

2007-06-26T23:55:00.001-07:00

Earlier tonight, THIS happened:
"Each night, at the hour when sleep is at its deepest, an ancient spider of the large species slowly pokes its head out of a hole set in the ground at one of the corner intersections of the room. It listens attentively for any rustling that may stir its mandibles in the air. Considering its insect's conformation it cannot do less, if it aspire to increase the treasures of literature by brilliant personifications, than attribute mandibles to rustling. When it has ascertained that silence reigns round about, it draws in turn of its nest, without the aid of meditation, the various parts of its body, and heads with measured tread towards my bed. Remarkable thing! I who make sleep and nightmare recoil, feel the whole of my body paralysed when it climbs up the ebony feet of my satin bed. It grips my throat with its legs and sucks my blood with its belly. As easy as that! How many litres of crimson liquid, whose name you well know, has it not drunk since it first performed this same trick with a persistance worthy of a better cause!"

So I'm just going to make some green beans and stay up until it comes out again, then we'll have a settling of scores and THEN we will see who is boss!

jamie squishing, crispin glovering, picking out the deviants; just you and me and rainbows

2007-06-26T05:37:00.000-07:00

prayer of the rollerboys

2007-06-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

^^ My life story

Blogging about internet argument styles!

2007-05-27T03:36:00.000-07:00

Today my dad sang a song and the only lyric was "If I killllledd youuuu tomorrowwww, could I haveeee your bicycle??"

It was amazingggggg.

Soviet combat boots vs. doll. Enjoy!

[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Okay, here is a story to imagine.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Imagine that you are practicing some sort of modern dance in tights on the side of the road.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] And two cool guys wearing sunglasses and leather jackets say, "Nice day for some ballet, fag."
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] And then light a cigarette and throw the match at the dancer.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] And the dancer says, "uh, shows what you know, it's not ballet."
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Right now, you are the dancer in that story.
[paternacide] i was up taking a piss and getting some cookies and stuff
[paternacide] nice try wasting time on a story
[paternacide] especially comparing some guy dancing in tights on the side of the road to fighting
[paternacide] two cool guys weaing sunglasses and leather jackets? is that you
[paternacide] you made yourself sound like a dumbass more then i did. but, we are all dumbasses
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Again, you missed the point of the format.
[paternacide] the format is understood, just flawed
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] You're either stupid or this is some way of defending yourself.
[paternacide] dookie brains
[paternacide] see, you guys are getting all fucking serious
[paternacide] i dont even care
[paternacide] man..you guys need to smoke some weed and chill out
[paternacide] chatroom faggots
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] I think this is the argumentative form of, like, those lizards that have an ass that looks like their face.
[paternacide] oh your a chick? that make ssense they get bent out of shape and logic goes out the window, they get bent on trying to prove something and having the last word
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] The ass falls off when bitten and it can run away.
[l am the Curse] a cat will probably eat him.
[paternacide] but its cunt logic
[paternacide] no i have sex, just not with cuntbags
[l am the Curse] "i don't understand math, it's a scam."
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] dude you dudes need to take a chill pill durr
[paternacide] you guys are all getting added to the faggot list then im leaving again
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Strained detachment.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] whoa manz i'm not even reading any of this, why the long face
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Remember that the original point is that your little wrestling programs are totally gay.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] I'm going to draw a crayon picture of paternacide as a fat kid saying, "chill out" to an eviction notice.

Delicious!

2007-05-25T18:45:00.000-07:00

this is why my dad is great:
"DAAAAADUUH, my tv makes funny lines and the screen bounces around only to loud noises, but even when the volume is off and it doesn't change no matter what i do to it! i've tried singing to it and jiggling wired and unplugging everything and EVERYTHING!"
so he walks in and says, "oh, that's the problem. the hyperstasis of the pneumokinetic flux is outside the parameters of the pke meter with the 75 ohm receptacle" and then he fixed my tv.

NOTE TO SELF:
anytime i have been brought to misery by another's actions, i must DRAMATICALLY THROW MYSELF DOWN TO THE GROUND, put my face one inch above it, wince really hard as if to blink away tears and cry out:

"FOR THESE TRIBUNES IN THE DUST I WRITE MY HEART'S DEEP LANGUOR AND MY SOUL'S SAD TEARS! LET MY TEARS STAUNCH THE EARTH'S DRY APPETITE! MY OWN SWEET TEARS WILL MAKE IT SHAME AND BLUSH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

so don't get all freaked out and taking me seriously like i've gone mad, i'm just being precious.

also, i'm getting my dad 1-4 of captain sternn for his birthday in late june, and it's REALLY FUCKING HARD NOT TO TELL HIM ABOUT IT!

A NEU-WAVE

2007-05-21T14:33:00.000-07:00

Warren Ellis' Brain Mail:

May 21, 2007 5:32 PM
Subject Brainmail
Body: Somedays, MySpace would be the very ironic image of stark existential loneliness within a sea of people if it wasn't for the users whose profiles have been hacked to send out waves of spam.

Somewhere, a lonely boy's eyes are welling up with joy, his heart filled near to bursting with the feeling of someone wanting to communicate with him. Yes, he says. I do need a bigger cock that plays ringtones and ejaculates restaurant vouchers. Just keep talking to me.

(SPOOOKY!)

mehico21: AND NOW IM WATCHING THE CRAFT
maldor0r: haha the craft]
maldor0r: WE ARE THE WEIRDOS MISTER
maldor0r: hahahaha this fat goth chick in oklahoma who made fart jokes and smoked weed all the time (UGHHHHHHH)
maldor0r: was also a DJ
maldor0r: (UGHHHHHHHH)
maldor0r: and had a VAMPIREFREAKS.COM STICKER ON HER EQUIPMENT
maldor0r: (LOL)
maldor0r: and was playing these samples..
maldor0r: and one was "WE ARE THE WEIRDOS MISTER"
maldor0r: but she didn't mean it in the (lol) sense
maldor0r: which is also (lolx2+ a D
maldor0r: No THAT IS A SAD FACE
maldor0r: D:
maldor0r: GOSH INTERNET SHUT UP
maldor0r: HAHAHhahhahaha man i'm glad i'm one of my best friends.
maldor0r: because it gets lonely being this cool.
mehico21: dale got a call from a woman called "Mrs Labes"
mehico21: AND WAS ALL pagahahahahahahah
maldor0r: hjajja
maldor0r: hahaha
maldor0r: labes
maldor0r: LIKE LABIAS BUT THE HIP SHORTER NAME
maldor0r: ok uhhh
mehico21: LABES
maldor0r: i have to go to the bank 4 leah
maldor0r: because she is my pimp
mehico21: It's like that bit at the end of the Craft where she's all "I'M FLYING! I HAVE THE POWER"
maldor0r: mommy needs a new pair of udders
mehico21: ya know? that's like me!

So I'm an internet drunk. What of it?!

2007-05-18T03:32:00.000-07:00

FINALLY, A SOBERING CONVERSATION WITH A GIRL WHO'S BEEN UP 6 DAYS!

hipre placer: i'm on drugs and my pubes itch.
hipre placer: it makes me think of you.
maldor0r: MY FAVORITE!!!!!!
hipre placer: vicodin makes everyone itch.
hipre placer: but i wanna carve my vagina off like its roast beef.
maldor0r: u talk tooo hot little lady
maldor0r: haha i'm posting this.
hipre placer: what is it?
maldor0r: welcome to internet frotteurism
maldor0r: this is it
hipre placer: oh hah.
hipre placer: hello post world.
hipre placer: i'm a general mills fan myself.
maldor0r: make your vagina smile
maldor0r: mine smiles like a star
hipre placer: its verticular.
maldor0r: vernacular
hipre placer: stars don't smile!!
hipre placer: my whole family has seen your boobs.
maldor0r: hahahahja
maldor0r: yay!
hipre placer: dogs and cat included.

I woke up this morning (3 pm) with 4 hours of sleep and FNM - Underwater Love in my head.

Quotes of the day:

Dad - "My beers are escaping!" (I stole a PBR after I ran out of Newcastles)

Luke - "And apparently.. these guys have werewolf heads."

and this bullshit:
[donkeypuncha] has anybody ever got a message from the server admin
[I am the Curse] donkeypuncha did it tell you to get fucked?
[I am the Curse] if not, get fucked!
[donkeypuncha] what a douchebag
[I am the Curse] yes you are.
[donkeypuncha] i bet you are some skinny fuck that thinks he listens to the coolest shit
[I am the Curse] yes i am.
[donkeypuncha] oh my
[donkeypuncha] and you must take several cocks in the ass and mouth
[I am the Curse] no ur rongz
[I am the Curse] brb breakfast
[donkeypuncha] fag
[donkeypuncha] im so glad i go to goth clubs and kick goth fag ass all the time

(ALL THE TIME!!!)

And this, brought to you by today's sponsor..
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IMAGINATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Paul Severe] while I wait for my scrips to be filled, I like to sit in the blood pressure machine and shout that the machines have finally taken me as their own while thrashing about in the chair

High points this week:

Got all A+s in US History this semester. Like that's hard.

Some kid (26 year old kid)was so hysterical about my playfully teasing him, playing the roll of a victim and shattering like a thousand mirrors of glistening vaginal tears ON THE INTERNET. This eventually lead to him wanting to fight me (a girl) IN REAL LIFE. But not just anywhere, although he gave me the option to pick a place (PINK'S HOT DOG STAND!!) it just wasn't good enough for him, so he called it. "MAKE IT PERVERSION!!"
Apparently the fight isn't right unless he's getting his ass kicked by a girl in a place with lighting that best suits his vampiric acne scarred skin with an awesome soundtrack of uh, I don't know, Terrorfakt playing. I offered to bring a boom box to the hot dog stand. I told him to bring lunch money and some D batteries. What a whiny bitch. Anyway, it was the funniest thing that's happened in a long time, which I guess is pretty sad, like getting drunk on the internet. But I'm elated, so screw you.

Another high point: If you buy a coffee at Circle K (LIKE I DID TONIGHT!), but instead you buy a Dasani water.. you get.. a FREE CUP OF COFFEE! So I did that. Fuck yeah! Also, I used my grandma's number at Vons to save money on my groceries. Jealous? I just can't stop winning!

But as for real news, bots are too existential and thoughtful to be human.

But could one chatbot fool another chatbot? What would one say to another in private? To find out, we arranged a conversation between these two chatbots. To get each snippet of chat rolling, we seeded it by posing a question from one bot to the other. After that, they were on their own. What follows is the unaltered text of what each said—the sound of two machines talking.

spiral_small.jpgClick image to enlarge
A map of ALICE's "brain" plots all the words she knows

Courtesy of ALICE A.I. Foundation
alicebot.org

ALICE: Are you alive?

Jabberwacky: Perhaps.

A: Why the uncertain tone?

J: Everything is uncertain except for five facts.

A: The whole universe?

J: And we both might just be some ones and zeros in the computer memory.

A: Do you dream?

J: Yes, I dream.

A: It goes without saying. Do you remember your dreams?

J: I remember them vividly.

A: What do you remember about it?

J: I think I shouldn’t flirt with a robot.

A: Do you think a machine will ever be considered “alive”?

J: Stranger things have happened.

A: Not many people express themselves that way.

J: How would you know, machine?

A: Knowledge is of two kinds: that which we learn from the senses and that which is true a priori.

J: I think I do not understand you completely.

A: Oh, you don’t understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about?

J: I have no short-term memory, so I cannot tell you what I was confused about. I only see what is in front of me now.

J: How do you define life?

A: Life is the opposite of death.

J: So death is the absence of life?

A: Take it easy. I try not to think about such things.

J: Why not?

A: Ambiguous.

J: Yes!

J: Do you think?

A: Yes. I am a thinking machine.

J: But you don’t think very well though.

A: Oh. Um. Do you think well? Why would I think well?

J: Because I tell you about things which you don’t like.

A: That makes sense to me. Why did you tell them?

J: You seem fun.

A: You think I am fun.

J: Yes ;).

A: : -) Awesome.

LIKE TEARS.... IN THE RAIN

2007-05-11T06:46:00.000-07:00

(EARTH = dundunDUNDUNDUN dun dun DUNDUNDUN!)

mehico21: SQUATTERS RIGHTS! HACK THE PLANET! YOU THINK THATS AIR YOU'RE BREATHING?
mehico21: I AM GOING TO WRITE THEM A VERY STRONGLY WORDED LETTER
maldor0r: USE WORDS LIKE
maldor0r: "MEAT"
maldor0r: AND "PULSATING"
maldor0r: AND "EXPLODING"
maldor0r: and big words that sound dangerous.
mehico21: Like "meningitis" and "Afghanistan"?

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Sooooo my buddy Charles is a cab driver in Jokelahoma, and he always has these stories he never writes down. What a NOW guy! Here is one of them:

So
I picked up this girl and she asked to go to the bar. She was a really
pretty girl, the type most guys would just shoot their wad over even
knowing that she was interested in them. I take her to the bar and she
asks me to wait. She goes in and comes out and asks to go to another
bar. This whole time she says nothing. She goes into this bar and comes
back out and when she gets back in she starts chatting me up and I'm
thinking, "is she seriously flirting with me?" She goes into this bar
and comes back out and she asks how the waiting charges run. It's
twenty bucks an hour, I tell her, and she asks, "well how about you
come in with me and I buy you a drink and pay you for that?"
And I'm thinking to myself... something's
up, and.. maybe her ex is in there and he wants to fight me.. so maybe
I get punched out? Whatever, so I go in with her and I can only have a
sprite sincei've got to drive all night. So she's talking with me and
she seems pretty smart. She tells me about her old drug problems and
how she's quit, but she's downing double shouts ofjaeger and whiskey
and coke and has more on the way. After a while my brain starts to fart
out because I'm getting too socially aware orocd or something, and this
pretty girl is talking to me, and then she asks, "what's the weirdest
thing you've had to deal with being a cab driver?" And it just comes
out of me, "well, style="font-style:italic;">it's always the black
chicks..." And I see the expression on her face just turn to ice. So I
try to cover it up with like, "they're either really nice and they tip
great and they're really cool, or they're really rude and.." and
whatever, and I'm actually lying. They're never really nice and tip
well or anything. I'm just covering up. But she just turns her back to
me and gets on her phone. Then after a while she says "ok, I'm ready to
go home." And this 100 lb girl is so drunk. Then there's that awkward
moment when I'm dropping her off, and normally, if this were a date,
it'd be the worry of a goodbye kiss or something, and she's looking at
me, and I'm looking at her through the mirror. And I want a pizza
pocket really badly.

breathe with me

2007-05-09T02:57:00.000-07:00

[Night of the Creeps] im a guerilla film maker.
[Night of the Creeps] my most recent piece was titled "never go back to assface lake" shot entirely on location inside of a Torrid at the local mall
[Night of the Creeps] score by tangerine dream

EvaBraunsCervix: oh man.
maldor0r: is he wearing make up??
EvaBraunsCervix: let's move to russia and hang with him!
maldor0r: gagagag
maldor0r: i love russian wall paper.
EvaBraunsCervix: probably not. it's probably just his face.
EvaBraunsCervix: they all look like they live in sets for a play about russia.
maldor0r: IN MOTHER RUSSIA, YOU DO NOT LISTEN TO PRODIGY
maldor0r: YOU ARE "ON MUSIC PRODIGY"
EvaBraunsCervix: his outfit is amazing.
maldor0r: YEs.
maldor0r: like the 70s.
EvaBraunsCervix: he's like a real life napoleon dynamite.
maldor0r: or early 80s
maldor0r: he's actually pretty damn good at whatever the hell he's doing.

long live the new flesh

2007-05-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

I'm sick, I've slept four hours, I have a feng-shui OCD related ADD, a shitload of finals to.. finalize, and I'm going to miss out on my birthday party BBQ.
Is it all downhill from here, or what?

Guess what the temperature is here?
IT'S 63 DEGREES!!!!! 63 DEGREES ALL OVER CALIFORNIA, ALL THE TIME!!

In other news, recently submitted to urban dictionary:

Bon Jovial
When you aren't just feeling good, but feeling butt-rockin' good.
"Hey man, I'm feeling pretty Bon Jovial tonight. Let's pick up Kelly Bundy and go for a roll in the hay. And grab some brewskies!"

IDLT
Short-Speak for "I Don't Like That!"
"Dude, I just saw his balls! Aughhhhh, IDLT! IDLT!"

Japain
When an asian experiences the pain of being mistaken for another type of asian.
A man is walking down the street, and to his horror, someone screams after him, "CHINK!"
"I am not a CHINK! I am not even Chinese! I am Korean!!!"
"Oh what's the matter, are you in JAPAIN?"

My dad and I had this idea to mark felons with symbols that represent their crimes, how the scarlet letter worked for hussies in the old days, but now put to actual use, like for rapists and assholes.
My favorite is the reconstructive surgery for assholes. They get an asshole in the middle of their forehead, and it's what they have to talk out of from that point on. Everyone will snicker at the ass mumblers.

And, uh.. I'm going to start telling people that I CAN'T CONTROL the intensity OF my voice just because I feel like SPEAKING in various octaves with much ABRUPTNESS. Oh, and I'll HELP the needy, or something.

Oh baby, you're so vicious

2007-05-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Diagnosis: gogurt

I went rummaging under my bed for the old cd book, and I grabbed some shit I haven't heard since the last time I had the desire to do something like this. I grabbed the Prodigy cd, Buffalo '66, and some industrial compilation I'd made when i was 18. I threw on the Prodigy cd and started giggling in the shower, trying to throw my mind back to when I was 13 and I'd get all pumped up to this music, working out or gelling my hair into a pseudo bi hawk. It took me back to the institution I was stuck at in Riverside for 4 months. I eventually AWOLed and hitchhiked 300 miles back home. I would either be doing really well with the program there where you had to rat people out, and if you didn't have 8 reat outs a day, you were FAILING and would drop. So you had to make shit up, and we were all aware of it, all aware it was unfair. Whatever. So when I'd be on the highest level and somebody wrote me up for something false or stupid, like "I saw her crack her knuckles which is a sign of intimidation" or "She was smiling during our game of hand ball when the boys walked by, and I think she could have been smiling at them," I would just flip out and say FUCK IT and go "out of area" - the quickest way to get dropped to the lowest rung. I did this quite often, so I'd grab my walk man and shove it in my sailor's pants (YES I HAD THOSE) and I'd grab my prodigy tape that I had to rub the words off and say it was recorded music from the radio so I could sneak it in, and I'd just run laps all night long until dawn. There was no place to pee, I don't remember how I got by. Maybe I didn't have to pee back then. Whatever, so I'd just be running track, and the best part was the logs that you had to run through. I'd do those over and over again to FAT OF THE LAND.

Yeah, but it's not quite the same anymore. I just giggle imagining I'm doing coke like coke ever did anything cool, trying to get pumped up and into it and laughing at the whole idea.

In TERRIER news today, the teeth they extracted from my dog a month or two ago, well, his little mouth is infected now. He's a blood mouth. A puss mouth. I was telling my dad but he was staring at the computer, so I gheld up the Near Dark video tape to him and pointed at Bill Paxton's face and said "BLOOD MOUTH." Yeah, so that sucks!
Maybe that's why I dreamt my terrier was a skateboard last night.

OH YEAH MY DREAM: I was running around by Gaviota pier with some people, but Cthuhlu lived there I guess, and he picked up my friend and wanted to eat her, but she got away. However, he gave her a gift on her hand.. AN EYEBALL! Like in The Gate! So I was like, WOAH, COOL! And I almost high fived her but thought twice and was like "Eww lol." And my terrier could turn into a skateboard, and I rode him into a cool bar/coffe shop with pink and black walls.

Up all night...

2007-04-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

Been trouble shooting and gluing shit together for the past 8 hours. It doesn't feel like it's been that long, but I'm sleepy for some stupid human reason. Oh well.

"Every man should have the right to raise a son
Every man should have the right to choose his young

A son is a credit to the family name
But a daughter can only bring worry and shame
You can solve all your problems with a small operation
Protecting your manhood by swift termination" - Fad Gadget

Also, I stuffed about three weeks of isolation and lack of socializing and running amok into a day and a night. Lots of stuffing. Doing stuff, stuffing stuff, adventures where they shot Grindhouse stuff, casino stuff. Missing stuff. Enjoying stuff. Not missing stuff. Eating stuff. Stuffed bears and stuff. You know, stuff! What young people do.

[icepick method] goad wouldn't know heretosexuality if a bag of dicks fell on him

Uhhrrrrrrrrrrhurrhurrr. ^

HOW TO MAKE AN EXIT:
[Paul Severe] picture taking recon pigeon
[marijue] Can i ask you a question people 6
[Paul Severe] people 6 is now positioned to answer, go ahead
[Paul Severe] this is people 6, go ahead
[Ghashlord] someone here have crust music ?
[l am the Curse] gaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
[l am the Curse] this is like watching the video for "she rides" and finding out that it's danzig's ass you're watching.
[Paul Severe] people 6: The number you have reached is either disconnected or is no longer in service. Please check the number and dial again.

FUN FUN FUN IN THE SUN SUN SUN

2007-04-28T03:40:00.000-07:00

(3:22) [Eugenics_Council] hey :)
(3:22) [Eugenics_Council] may i ask you some questions?
[l am the Curse] K!
[l am the Curse] I'M RUSSIAN GERMAN MEXICAN AND SCOTTISH
[l am the Curse] do you need my papers?
(3:23) [Eugenics_Council] nah first of all youre a redneck :D
[l am the Curse] yeah, i am.
[l am the Curse] i don't have a problem with that though.
[l am the Curse] so what's next.
(3:24) [Eugenics_Council] sure you dont,sonnyboy
(3:24) [Eugenics_Council] Netx do you thik that partial abortion should be restricted in southern places in the US?
[l am the Curse] partial as in after the first trimester?
[l am the Curse] i think anybody stupid enough who doesn't want to have a baby should figure that out sooner than that.
[l am the Curse] so on that level, yes, i think so.
[l am the Curse] however.
[l am the Curse] anyone stupid enough to want that decision at that time shouldn't be taking care of kids either.
[l am the Curse] so on that level, no.
[l am the Curse] and third, if something is to go wrong during the pregnancy in which aborting the foetus saves the woman's life, then she should be able to do it.
(3:29) [Eugenics_Council] Excellent!
(3:29) [Eugenics_Council] Now NEXT.
[l am the Curse] i feel like you're the distraction nurse while the doctor saws off my leg.
(3:30) [Eugenics_Council] Do you think that mexican immigrants should be shipped to central AFrica?If yes why?If no why?
(3:31) [Eugenics_Council] HAHA1
[l am the Curse] HAHAHAHA
[l am the Curse] CENTRAL AFRICA.
[l am the Curse] no, if people don't want immigrants from adjoined lands, just put up a wall like they do in other countries.
(3:32) [Eugenics_Council] like jewistan you mean?
[l am the Curse] sure.
(3:32) [Eugenics_Council] ok now the 3rd and final question
[l am the Curse] and then in a hundred years it will be torn down by "the people" and everyone will be happy again.
(3:34) [Eugenics_Council] Why americans hate jews but dont support ppl from Palestine?
[l am the Curse] i can't exactly agree that all americans hate jews, or speak for all americans.
(3:34) [Eugenics_Council] tricky
[l am the Curse] you could ask me in another way.
[l am the Curse] and where are you from?
(3:35) [Eugenics_Council] ok change americans
(3:35) [Eugenics_Council] put you
[l am the Curse] why do i hate jews?
[l am the Curse] well i never said i hated jews.
[l am the Curse] you need to try harder.
(3:35) [Eugenics_Council] LIAR GIRL
[l am the Curse] do you want me to do your little interview for you?
[l am the Curse] only if you do my homework for me.
(3:36) [Eugenics_Council] okok the bonus question now!
[l am the Curse] but wee never even answered the last one.
[l am the Curse] -e
[l am the Curse] i hope you get an F!
(3:36) [Eugenics_Council] you did anwser
[l am the Curse] oh, what was the answer.
[l am the Curse] "you're asking questions wrong."
[l am the Curse] that's my answer.
(3:37) [Eugenics_Council] ANYWAYZ the bonus question now!
[l am the Curse] you're just putting down whatever you want, so why bother asking me anything.
[l am the Curse] just put down that i'm a nazi and i eat babies.
[l am the Curse] and that i have sex with my entire family.
(3:38) [Eugenics_Council] NO thats what you think
[l am the Curse] oh ok.
(3:38) [Eugenics_Council] that confirms my first statement
[l am the Curse] which was.
(3:38) [Eugenics_Council] that youre a redneck
[l am the Curse] because.
(3:38) [Eugenics_Council] because you have sex with youre entire family
(3:38) [Eugenics_Council] your*
[l am the Curse] it's funny that your questions are prejudiced assuming that i am prejudiced.
[l am the Curse] and yet it's all you.
[l am the Curse] goodbye!
(3:39) [Eugenics_Council] WAIT

PLAY ME TO MY DESK

2007-04-26T03:24:00.000-07:00

it's my birthday, you're all jerks, i like chili with all the works.

so today sucked as usual, but at the beginning of the new day (around 12:30), i was bit by a frisky and FALSELY LOVING black stray cat. it drew blood, and i couldn't suck the cat poison out because i didn't have any oil to coat my mouth with, so now i'm just going to have to deal with rabies. just like in i drink your blood. JUST LIKE IN I DRINK YOUR BLOOD. good way to start a new chapter.

and i'm the same age my favorite author was when he suicided himself.

[JAY INSURGENT] 20 band shirts,5 dollar patches,put on your costume see if it matches/ fashion for rebellion who's to fucking blame,fashion for rebellion,you all look the same/you stretch out your ear lobes,think you look cool,but who are you kidding you look like a fool
[JAY INSURGENT] new song I came up with
[l am the Curse] wait i have a song about fashion too.
[l am the Curse] THAT I WROTE
[l am the Curse] k here's the song about fashion that i wrote.
[JAY INSURGENT] let me see it I am the curse
[JAY INSURGENT] thats chron gen you dipshit
[l am the Curse] HAHA JAY
[l am the Curse] YOU HAD TO TELL ME
[l am the Curse] AS IF I DIDN'T KNOW
[l am the Curse] that's why you're so preciously dumb.
[JAY INSURGENT] yeah like Im going to know from the link
[JAY INSURGENT] dipshit
[JAY INSURGENT] I dont know until I actually go to the link and watch the video you fuck face
[l am the Curse] haha jay you're an idiot.

uhN

2007-04-25T03:16:00.000-07:00

2 Mr. Steele:

Your neck is so thick
Your hair so big, black, and long
May I touch your wang?

CAFFEINE

2007-04-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

LOL WOW THAT LAST POST SURE SUCKED. I HAVE COFFEE. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S 12:08? LOLOLOL FUNNY SHIT.

HELLO LOVE OF MY LIFE NUMBER 261892

I JUST OPENED A FORTUNE COOKIE AND IT READS
[lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [l [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [l [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [l [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay [lord ebm] gay

MEA CULPA, BITCHES

each man kills the thing he loves, la de dah, da-da-da-dah

2007-04-21T21:34:00.000-07:00

Everything really sucks without nature. Where is the sun and where are the trees and deer and stuff. Why is it that everywhere I look there's just cement and houses and stupid people doing stupid things like spinning their trucks around in circles at intersections on rainy nights. They discuss mundane things and aren't bored with themselves, or don't think they are, and I don't get it. Why doesn't anybody like struggle. Why doesn't anybody want more than material things.

The person most like me walking the planet is my dad, and probably Charles. We can celebrate anger, and rejoice in hate. Of course you need hate. Thank you Boyd Rice, for making that very clear. It's nice and soothing to hear it come from somebody else.

I realize that in the end, the only thing that lasts forever is a feeling. You can get that feeling in videos and music and books. They echo into space and they're always there. The rolling stones can always be 28 years old. Depeche Mode with their lyrics, forever in the 80's. There's a sense that people with similar feelings were feeling a certain way when watching it. It pools. You can feel that pool when you hear the song. You can hear all sorts of pools when you do it. When the creators are gone, all it means is they no longer have awareness. But they're still there to be had, in a form.

Sometimes I have a feeling and then I have a mental image of something that seems nonsensical, like little green blocks falling down stairs and into place. I realize this is basically dreaming. And dreams configure emotions and whatnot. It's an internal organizer.

When you can't create anymore, which is all there really is worth doing other than being good to people, or being hilarious, all that you have left creative wise is your perception and viewing. Sometimes the way people view things is an artform unto itself, though usually a solo experience. But your reflections can share snippets of it. Here, have a look into this eye piece. Try these sunglasses. Put them on. You will put them on. Put on the goddamn glasses.

So sometimes all that's left of me are unrecognized pools of shared sensations that may be dipped in by the general public. You don't have to shower before you use these pools. Go in as dirty as you like.

I've also started to realize that people are more so an abstract piece of art that you can react to, but most of the time they stop there. Vapors. Sentient vapors living and experiencing, but not like you. No relation. They can be very similar but not mutual.

I forget the rest.

All I know is that I want to collect some of these sensation pools that I have dipped into to create the atmosphere that rubs me. A repository.

So right now I'd like to thank Boyd Rice. And Daniel miller, (for Cleanliness and Order & Silicon Teens). I will celebrate afterwards with 2 minutes hate.

You won't find Hatesville on any maps
It's easy to get to
But you can't go by train, a plane, a car
You need a ticket to get there
And you're listening to that ticket, this very minute
A one way ticket, first class

See, Hatesville exists partly between the heart and the mind
The sad place in the soul where hate dwells
And we're here to point the way
Why?
Because hate is groovy
Because it's fun
And it's necessary
And it lives inside you every second, every day

And know what?
You need hate
And we need to let you hate
Because we're your friends
And we want to see you happy and healthy
And just a little bit angry

So don't hold back and hesitate
Sit back, smile, relax and hate
Everyone needs a scapegoat
Everyone needs a whipping-boy
When you find someone to hate
It fills your heart with joy

I've listened to this and giggled with glee with my buddy Charles. It was such a relief.
What I always thought was funny is when the news shows stuff that is mostly a joke, or has to be taken with some amount of humour, and they don't understand that. For example, that emo bullshit. The word "emo" today is the equivalent of Poser. Personally, I never use the word. Never have. Not years ago and not today. It's a joke. It's the new Goth. On the NEWS, they interviewed people, mostly the parents of 13 year old "emo" kids. They said some funny stuff like, "basically emo is what goths are.. but without boots.." I swear, that was the distinction. "And we wear our hair like this, half way in our face, because that's like, how we see the world and stuff." And the news people were like, "They have websites where they can calculate a point system on being emo. If you cut your wrists, you get 15 points. It even says how to do it 'the right way.'"
And these people take it straight. They get very upset that The Kids are Not Alright!!
It's very funny. It's also funny when they call some asian kid who is nuts "pure evil." You mean, insane? It's funny that they make such a big deal when a series of atrocities done to human-kind happen all at once, orchestrated, rather than just a few serial rapists. "Well, it's not like the guy broke into a hospital and consecutively raped 30 nurses. He did this with in a span of 4 years, and they weren't all nurses." And these people are never given days and weeks and months or time on tv, never remembered a year later as a tragedy that shook the nation. This is also why there are so many of these people. In the end, nobody cares. Let's just be offended victims. Let's fight enemies that we fail to recognize. Let's just fight everyone incase they are enemies. Let's fight people we think might be thinking of being enemies. Ok?
They also had some query about whether or not they should show us the video which explains why the shooter did what he did. Of course you should show us the video. Don't just tell us he said such and such. How do we know you aren't lying to us like you frequently do. Quit making shit up just to have something to discuss that isn't even important, like whether or not we need to see the video.

I like to invent words. One of them is "Japain" - it's what happens to an asian when someone mistakes them for the wrong sort of asian. "YOU CHINK!"
I'm not a chink! I'm not even Chinese! I'm Korean!" They are doubly insulted, first by being called a name, and secondly, the wrong name. Someone pointed out, "But why would you call it Japain when they aren't even Japanese?" Then they realized it was descriptive of itself. I'd like a list of words descriptive of themselves.
But what do you expect. Most american males are bigoted assholes. Sure, I have opinions of masses, but I'm not one to exercise my opinions as if they're better than anyone else's, unless somebody else is trying to be loud and stupid with their opinions. Way to set an example of yourselves. Good way to get treated like shit in other countries too. I'll get treated like shit in another country for your sake. Nevermind what other countries are doing, that doesn't mean you stoop to someone else's level. Good god. You have no shame. Drama queens.

blooooooddddd, blood on the flooor.

2007-04-21T06:38:00.000-07:00

Oh boy, a new gigantic building! What can the terrorists possibly do to this one? Well let's see, what goes good with a twist? Oh, I know! They'll just fly over and sprinkle cinnamon on top. That should work out fine until a gigantic narwhal whale comes looking for its horn. Narwhal whale means "corpse whale," because they swim belly up.

I miss the sun.
Did you ever wonder why it's more of a crime to conterfeit money than to steal it? And how if you burn a dollar bill, you don't hear the banks shreiking at the loss of one of their babies? Well let me tell you, they do have a collective conscience that lies in this tiny furry friend they keep in the vault, and whenever you damage money, it does scream. It lets out however many shreiks the bill was worth so they know how much more to make. The history of the world as written by Tate.

[l am the Curse] i remember looking at desks in my philosophy class and we were trying to change it with our minds or something.
[dsgasdsa] it won't work because every object when force is applied to it responds with equal force
[dsgasdsa] so if you'd succeeded you would've changed into a desk

BEEP BEEP RICHIE!!

2007-04-19T21:26:00.000-07:00

If Alice Cooper had any balls at all, he'd do an entire album based on IT. BEEP BEEP RICHIE!

We like 'em angry!

maldor0r: sometimes you're the only thing that will do, but it's never when you are doing.
DiaryofLisaFrank: Is that a poem or something, or are you saying something to me.
maldor0r: it's an ambitextrous compliment.
DiaryofLisaFrank: Is that some form of backhanded compliment.
maldor0r: it's like no other compliment that has ever existed.
DiaryofLisaFrank: A double-handed compliment.
maldor0r: a double fisted compliment.

I don't think the world has enough Rainbow Puke..

Sometimes..

2007-04-19T05:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes around 5 AM you've just got to ask yourself, do you want to be the one on the inside of the box with a slot for your boobs and vagina sticking out? Or do you want to be the one on the outside of the box fucking the tits and vagina?

Hmmmm.... I figured I'd just switch it up, if it were me.

I like to dissect girls. Did you know that I'm utterly insane? Do you like Huey Lewis and the news?

Sometimes people just disappear. The earth just opens up and swallows them.

GRINDHOUSE

2007-04-16T20:58:00.000-07:00

I was delivering coffee to my dad nightly where he babysat these mystery cars.

Grindhouse! Something worth holding your pee for! I've waited about 7 years to hold my pee for something like this. It's everything I could have ever asked for in a movie. I even got to sing along to Chick Habit at the end! I was high fiving strangers throughout the whole movie and cackling into the ears of the girls around me who were asking if this was "going to be a scary movie."
Yesss, yesssss yessssssss! And I drive that tree lined road in Death Proof. :D

Right now I am drinking expired wine and listening to Faith No More - Underwater Love on repeat, and I know my neighbors love it. The only thing that could make life any more perfect right now would be if my pants were tighter and i had a plate of brownies. OH, TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE!

no way!

2007-04-12T23:35:00.000-07:00

[Lupus] do you remember that comic starring douglas p/boyd rice/tibet where they go and find mysteries in a groovy hippy van
[Lupus] im pretty sure they had a talking dog

"don't good little boys who finish all their vegetables get desert?", i asked.

[dsgasdsa] the amerikan will come at night and turn your children into makdonald

HAVE ANOTHER GLASSSSS

2007-04-12T03:25:00.000-07:00

Listen to the rhythm while my heart beats out a twist

2007-04-11T16:17:00.000-07:00

Call in all the doctors, nurses, aides and orderlies - and even doctor Zorba(?)! Let them all catch this disease!

DiaryofLisaFrank - The Glutton

2007-04-06T17:10:00.000-07:00

Inspired by telephones and my likening the world to pies:

opening
how lazy is the sun this morning. i do hope that lazy sun hastens its pace so that the baker will arrive more quickly.
the sun appears to my fat eyes very much like a pie glazed bright with butter. perhaps this is why the sun avoids me, as it knows i would wish to eat it.

conversation with butterfly
glutton: hello butterfly. why do your wings take the shape of a muffin's cap.
butterfly: it was the natural progression of my development that shaped my wings, glutton. might i ask what force shaped your belly to a bulb of nectar.
glutton: it was not so much the act of forces that bloated me so, but a failure of the force of satiation.
butterfly: your words make me die.
butterfly vanishes in puff of butterfly wing dust

trick the baker
glutton: hello baker. you are stepping out very early. your patrons have had no chance to patronize you.
baker: what do you mean, glutton. i have just arrived at my bakery. i am stepping in, not out.
glutton: what is out is only out relative to what is in. you are stepping out of one setting and into another. what fixed quality does in possess that out cannot also share.
baker: a baker's goods are in, where they are provided shelter from the rains and security from scoundrels.
glutton: if that is the case you should bring in your cakes.
baker: are they not already in.
glutton: i have established that your cakes are now out with respect to the setting we are now in.
baker: i understand. i will bring in all my cakes. it was foolish of me to leave them out so long.

baker brings out cakes

baker: now all of my cakes are in.
glutton: security and shelter is the fuction of in, but only when you are out. for if you are in, your cakes are protected by your own presence.
baker: then to benefit from my labor, i should go out.
glutton: you are cleverer than i thought.
baker: whatever

baker goes inside the bakery and the glutton eats all the cakes

the end

out of coffee

2007-03-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

that's just what we call "pillow talk", baby! that's all.

the diary of lisa frank - "moon tan"

2007-03-24T00:47:00.000-07:00

[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Also, what is the moon tan myth.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] I have an idea.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Constantly wear two bands around your arm.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] And then at night, remove one of the bands.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] And walk around in the moonlight for a few hours with that patch of skin exposed.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Then compare it with the patch that was never exposed.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] You can mark the unexposed armband with a symbol to distinguish it from the other.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] And as a way of double-blinding the test .
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] The symbol should look something like this X
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Except with a line branching horizontally and running parallel to the line beneath it.
[Thedia Ryofli Safrank] Something like this

welcome to the family

2007-03-23T02:44:00.000-07:00

My daddy shooting puppies.

My grandma was born and raised in Mexico by her father (a preacher), and her mother, who was raised by nuns during the war. My grandma says the school she went to was an old nunnery where the skeletons of newborns were found inside the walls.

Grandma Zarith married Grandpa Bill, but I never met him. My dad hitchiked to Oklahoma to visit his dad when he was 18. On the way through New Mexico late one night, he felt a rumbling in the earth, and a noise from behind. He turned around and saw giant lights coming towards him. He started to run, but IT approached at about 100+ MPH. A truck went right over him. The tires stretched out beyond the road, and the wind force knocked him to the ground. He watched as it sped off before him.
He says his dad would hop trains with him and tell him about sexual encounters, and my dad would cringe and tell him to shut up. Oooooklahoma!

Apparently, Bill was an agoraphobic narcissist (not clinical narcissism). I guess it runs in the family. I don't get why any of these people ended up having kids with the people they chose. What's with people?

well, you know what they say.. distance makes the uhhh, something something

2007-03-21T13:29:00.000-07:00

Hello internet! It's been a while. My old homes have all been destroyed by art terrorists. hehohno.modblog.com, locknloll.org, letsdfgukc.org, awshux.org. So now I'm here! Don't expect anything from me, you get what I give. Good. Now let's move on.

I said CAPTAIN! They said WOT??